Pity Party

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I really hate feeling like this.  It doesn’t happen that often.  But when it does, good grief.  So I’m going to take this time to indulge in a little Jack Daniels Black, Diet Rite and self-pity.  Now, this is the point where you need to decide if you are going to continue reading, or move on.

Those of you who have been reading for a while know I left my previous job to strike out on my own.  Well, it ain’t working too good.  I’m in what appears to be insurance pergatory.  I submitted for errors & ommission coverage over a month ago.  I’ve received no approval and no denial.  Without that coverage no managing general agent will contract with me.  Without a contract I can’t write and can’t earn commission.  I’ve sunk a respectable amount of money into studying for the exam, getting a company on the books and getting that company registered.  I’ve also spent a smart amount of money in fuel driving into “work” everyday for the past six weeks.  So, being the me that is me, I’m stepping back to punt. 

I have another company on the books.  Been incorporated for a couple years.  Most of the work I’ve done is for a non-profit I’m involved with.  It’s mostly been newsletter development, flyers, meeting programs and stuff like that.  I’ve written a few articles that have been in a couple periodicals.  I have given some presentations and trainings.  Oh, there’s a lot of things I’m good at.  I can write manuals and reports, transcribe, data entry. 

In order to really get that business humping I have to push.  In order to push I have to get over the insecurity looking someone in the eye and saying “I am an expert” or “I am good.”  I also have to ’sell my services.’  LOL  [Not THOSE services!]  I spent a good portion of today trying to revise my brochures and pamphlets.  I’ll need to update my Web page and write a few more pieces for my other blog and periodicals.

So, then, my classes are in full swing.  I have four chapters to finish by Sunday, some reading and work on a research paper, a journal entry and several discussions to post in.

I’m in an organization that is struggling to stay alive.  The previous president had to quit because of health issues.  Now I’m the president and I have to oversee a vote of the membership on wether to dissolve or not.  It isn’t pretty.  I have a respectable group fussing that we can survive this, but no one will commit to serving in leadership positions, they are all too busy.  For four years we’ve been functioning on the minimal required officers.  We’re getting no where, no one is stepping forward and we aren’t bringing in new members.  The patient is dead but the family won’t shut-off life support.

I have a close family member that is being targeted by what I believe are false accusations by another family member, the one I got into the fight with.  It’s a retaliatory thing, filed on Monday after the Saturday fight.  There is no physical evidence, the complaint says it happened this time last year, but it is a very serious charge and there is a probably cause hearing on November 1.  The only person who could be more upset than I am is the person the complaint has been filed against.  A young person’s future could be destroyed by this bullsh*t action and a family is being torn in two.  I have a problem with the attorney.  I don’t think he’s very good, but I don’t think I can do much about it.

A good friend for more than 10 years is having marital trouble.  The spouse has an issue with me, so my friend is basically closing the door on our friendship.  But, I understand.  They have 28 years together and that is the priority.  It just hurts.   This person has listened to some really personal struggles of mine, and vice versa.

The neighbor is complaining about my cats using his yard.  He said, “Do you think there’s something we can do about the cats sh*tting in my yard?”  I just said “Well, you can talk to them, but they don’t listen to me.”  But it’s not really about ‘my’ cats, it’s all the ferral ones that eat at my house.  There are too many, but what do you do?  I have two cats.  Both altered.  One is 80% house cat the other 25% house cat. 

Then there’s the arthritis.  My fingers are really bothering me.  My back is ok if I’m moving, but if I sit still for any amount of time I have a devil of a time getting started.  The Jack doesnt’ really make it feel any better, but I care less.  LOL

So, it’s Friday night and I ain’t got nobody.  I got some money ’cause I just got paid.  How I wish I had someone to talk to, I’m in a awful way.  hee hee

I’ll wallow in this for a while, write a little bit and it will pass.  But I sure feel like I’m drowning. 

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